Blackening the Eye

Reeling already from a decline in followers world-wide, Christ Jesus took yet another blow Sunday morning when the congregation of a local church threw a swift jab of their own, instantly blackening His eye. This only capped a battle that had been brewing there for many years. Some in attendance were stunned by this dramatic turn of events while others were relieved that, in at least some fashion, the battle was finally over. It has been hinted that some, in fact, be it just a few, may have even reveled in the event. None, however, felt more jubilant than Satan, himself.

This battle royale certainly isn’t unique to this small church (or many others like it) but is rather a contributor to a systemic war ebbing from the dawn of time (which, itself, has been argued by scholars and evangelists alike). At the heart of the Fall of Man, in the center of the Kingdom of Israel’s split, among every divorce...wherever there is division, be assured that Satan has played a part.

The above is how this post originally started. I had it mapped out in my mind to guide us through the initial problem, exhibit further examples elsewhere in the world (because it’s a universal problem), what collateral problems it has and will cause and closing with the hope found only in our Heavenly Father who, in His mercy and blessing, has confirmed to me, this very day, that He is in control of every situation, every detail, every aspect. He is so good!

I came to the conclusion that, no matter how cleverly I may have written or how ingeniously I may have pled my case, it would have done nothing more than put into judgment those who are hurting as well as those who will hurt from these events. I choose not to do that.

Starting now, starting with me, I want to reach out in love to everyone I can. We often forget that we are to love people and hate their sins. We need to accept them for who they are, not condemn them. Who they are to become in Christ remains to be seen. We need to remember that, no different than us, they are lost and in need of their Creator’s love. He made them just as He made us, so who are we to treat them any differently? Everyone has a story, a set of circumstances, experiences they can use to minister to those around us.

We all have value.

Strength does come in weakness. When we’re unafraid to be vulnerable and not only admit but share our struggles, those with whom we share them are emboldened to share their weaknesses and failures. Together, we stand, united: the last prayer Jesus prayed before ascending Home.

Times like these shouldn’t be times of hatred and blame. They’re opportunities to do what we’re to do: love as Christ loves us.

Read into that. Let it absorb. It’s impactful. 

It’s non-negotiable.

Life: For Better or Worse

Our Lord God is omniscient. He is omnipotent. Therefore He is everywhere, knows everything for all times. He is the Alpha and Omega -- the Beginning and the End. Did you know that in the Bible, He is referred to as Lord God only in Genesis (the first book of the Bible) and again in Revelation (the last book)?  But during those times in our lives in which we need Him the most, He doesn't seem to be around. I know that He is, of course, that He has chosen this distance for a variety of reasons. One of those reasons, I believe, is to test us -- to see if we will remain loyal to Him in silence or, if left to our own devices, we will turn toward a golden calf of our making. 

Another reason, perhaps, is that He desires for us to seek Him. God has given us different and simple ways for us to understand how a personal relationship with Him would/should work, the most common example being "falling in love." Disney called it "twitterpated" in Bambi. It's that first, initial attraction and subsequent pursuit. Life becomes crazy for us. We experience feelings that don't make sense...but we like them. 

Puppy love.

For those of us in marriage relationships, we know the importance of going out on dates so we can perpetuate special moments and keep the flame going. Every now and then it's also important to do things that remind us of those days and months (and years) of pursuit when we were head-over-heels for each other.  In the silent times in our lives, when God feels distant, I think He is reminding us of the special relationship we share with Him.

For those who aren't married, who date regularly, you are always experiencing that awesome sensation of pursuit, of desiring or being desired. Keep in mind that God has been pursuing us since before we were born. He already has a vested interest in us (after all, His Son died for us, thus purchasing us for a price). God, Himself, said it is not good for man to be alone -- and we hate loneliness!

So many of us experience a freedom, an elation, an exuberance when we turn our lives over to Christ for the first time. We can also compare that to relationships. As we move from one relationship to another, it's human nature to compare; by doing so, we make a semi-educated decision if that person is the one. By comparing our lives before knowing Jesus to after, we can recall those amazing feelings of pursuit and puppy love. We are reminded of where we've been, ponder where we are and trust God to guide us where we're going because we've seen how He's guided us thus far.

Taylor Swift, I believe, doesn't get the credit she deserves. Not only has she consistently turned out catchy number-one hit after hit (and all against the odds, by the way), she is a good, down-to-earth person. One of her latest, Begin Again, encapsulates these wonderful feelings of new love and of being valued for who we are by comparing our new feelings to those we felt while trapped in another dead-end relationship.

Did you feel valued before you came to know Christ? Were you alone in the world? What about after? He wants to be sought, He wants to be desired by us. He wants to be pursued!

As God transforms us, we begin to have purpose, to have a direction we didn't have before. People that don't understand call us crazy and that's okay! As we mature and those incredible feelings on the inside start to show on the outside, it becomes contagious. Those that didn't formerly understand begin to want to understand.

In a marriage, the love we share with our mate only deepens and matures...if properly nurtured. I love my wife more each passing day. She amazes me in new ways. She shares things with me that just awe me sometimes. That's how it is to love and be loved by God. 

Attraction to each other comes and goes and comes again for the duration - it's a fact of long-term relationships. But our love remains. Loving God is the same. As we read the Scriptures, as we seek to know Him, our love for Him only strengthens. Because we're human, and circumstances smack us in the face every now and then, loving God doesn't seem attractive to us, but we come around. The love remains. On the other hand, His love for us doesn't waiver. His attraction to us goes on, no matter how ugly we can make ourselves!

Another reason for silence might lie in the fact that He's busy working out the road ahead. Yes, He's still with us, guiding us one footstep and at a time. But He's also clearing the road of debris, or opening a tunnel, or developing new construction. I'll use this as a segue into my next post because this is where God has been during my time of silence. I'm excited to share it with you because it has been exciting to see how He's been moving in not only my life, but in lives around the globe!

Knee Deep

Today’s title doesn’t refer to one of my favorite Zac Brown Band songs but rather our current state of affairs. As in, “We’re knee-deep it in.” America is knee-deep in economic problems and moral collapse. My church is knee-deep in division and facing collapse. My son is knee-deep in everything. Where am I?

I slipped and fell headlong into the water. Because I’m trying to be honest with myself and true to this blog (and those who read it), it’s hard to admit failure. But I must because I am not a super-human. I’m nobody special. I fail and I make mistakes like everyone else. The Apostle Paul had a thorn in his side, the nature of which was never revealed to us, but I believe it was there to help keep him humble. Additionally, I think that everyone who knows God and diligently seeks Him in their lives has his/her own unique thorn to contend with – and it’s something that sticks with us for life (pardon the pun).

Once we discover what that thing is, we can use it as a gauge (perhaps one way in which God tests us) to see how we have grown; an evaluation tool to see where we need to go. I also think that once we see it for what it is and accept it as such, it’s easier for us to get up after stumbling over it. Take alcohol, for example. Someone can have problems with alcoholism, go through the 12 proper steps and no longer partake. They’re still going to be alcoholics for the rest of their lives, but it’s something they can use to gauge their progress (263 days sober) or their failure (1 beer last night). This is a very simplified example. Some thorns are much easier on us while others are more invasive.

Sexual addition is unique in that it is something one works toward overcoming, but in a marriage relationship, it’s a crucial function of that relationship, whereas alcohol isn’t necessary for anything. We become more sensitive to our weakness(es) and soon understand what things or situations trigger our human dependence on the thorn and avoid them in the future. With God’s help (which is when memorized applicable Scriptures come in handy), we can overcome. Or we can fail, get up and try again.

Christians traditionally have a bad habit of repeated sin; one certain thing that recurs over and over again. It’s that one thing that instantly popped into your mind as soon as I mentioned it. Please understand, I'm not suggesting we sin and ask forgiveness, sin and ask forgiveness, sin and ask forgiveness (that's what we've been doing). When God transforms us, He renews our mind. Those old things are put away for good and we live a lifestyle that reflects this transformation. That doesn’t mean we’re never going to trip over “that sin” again, it means that “that sin” no longer rules our lives like it once did. Now, it is simply an annoyance, a thorn in our side to keep us humble; to keep us focused; to remind us of Christ’s redemption and His transforming power in our life.

Yes, I’m knee deep in the water. I have fallen. Although I was wet, I dried fairly quickly and took another step. Having gotten used to the current and the ever-shifting riverbed underneath my feet, it seemed a little easier this time around. It’s okay to be shaken. We’re knee-deep in it most of the time. Our focus needs to remain on God – He is in control: of nations, of churches, of families, of lives. Things seem to spin out of control all the time – we even contribute to the spinning more often than not – but nothing, nothing! is out of control with God.

I created this blog as a public means of seeking God in my life, specifically for confirmation in what I’ve deemed The Plan that I believe God has laid out before me. Also this weekend, I came close to feeling like The Plan was merely a distraction, a test, to take me further from what I had, up to a few weeks ago, believed God was calling me to do. As I thought more about it, however, the more materialistic my thoughts became. That disturbed me. I felt like I was, again, being chained to something false. Therefore I focused a little more on The Plan and felt more at peace. Satan, the great Adversary, isn’t content with just letting us alone and changed his approach a little. With The Plan, he tried convincing me that, physically, I wouldn’t be able to execute it. Admittedly, I believed it...but only for a short time. At this point, Christians would (and should) get into their Bible’s and find Scripture for help:

                                I can do all things through Him who gives me strength.

                                                                                 -- Philippians 4:13

This one is common and comes to mind rather quickly. But God authored common sense, too. Therefore I was reminded that my previous job was labor-intensive and demanding and, with very little exception, I performed well for nearly ten years!

Again, another example that God is in control. If He wants me to do something – and I’m willing to do it – He will sustain me for the task at hand. I’ve got much to learn before making it across the Jordan and I’m thankful for what I’ve learned to this point in my life. I’ve slipped. I’ve fallen. I’ve gotten back up and I continue to go. That’s an important lesson, itself.

Clarity - It's Not Just for Diamonds!

When we go to the pool, or the lake, or even consider the crashing surf on the beach, it’s always that first step into the water – that first cold touch – that forces us to muster the gumption to follow through with it. I didn’t notice that with my steps into the Jordan. No freezing twinge, no quick touch with the big toe. I was just suddenly in, standing among the current and undertow, perfectly at ease with the water rushing around my ankles...my knees.

It’s about focus and where our eyes are set. Sure, I could be concerned with the current and the constantly shifting silt bed under my feet, challenging me to readjust my footing. However, even in these conditions, Christ has built a strong foundation and if we stand on that, regardless of circumstances, our focus can be where it needs to be: away from our problems and seeking God instead.

This week, I’ve been silent. I’ve been watching and listening. I’ve been pondering the ways of God. I’ve looked upon God’s glory with awe and praise and my heart grew heavy with the knowledge that there are many in this world who are lost and don’t look upon the same mysterious wonders with admiration for a Creator who loves them personally. It added to the dislocated heart God is developing within me and though it aches, it aches for God’s power to use me as His instrument. It’s an amazing thing, having a dislocated heart. Through quiet contemplation and self-examination, I’ve come to the conclusion that my life is pretty good. For the first time, I’m at a place of contentment – in the physical sense. My family and I have recently been blessed with a house that we are getting to know and become settled. The temperatures are finally starting to drop and seem much more pleasant. The relationship with my wife continues to blossom more beautifully than any flower and our kids are always a blessing (even in the time-out times). Yet I’m working on a dislocated heart.

God has transformed me in a very brief period of time and I am so grateful. As a kid, I would flip through the Sears catalog and circle all the things I wanted. Little did I know, that simple act would set a precedent in my life. I graduated to a broader scope of catalogs. My list grew longer (and more expensive). Before I knew it, I was standing in a lake brimming with 40 years of dreams and things I wanted – most of them I never attained. When I came to the banks of the Jordan, God told me I couldn’t take this stuff with me...I’d surely drown. To my utter surprise and delight, I wanted to cross that river so badly, I left all that stuff where it lay and took the step.

Freedom!

I realized that the more stuff we have, the more it blocks our vision of God. More importantly, it blocks God’s vision for our lives. The stuff, whether in possession of or aspiring to get, clutters our heart. So without the lists and the dreams, I have greater clarity. I’ve been able to see God and He is so beautiful!

  His work is out there, waiting to be accomplished.

                     For the eyes of the Lord move to and fro throughout the earth that He

                     may strongly support those whose heart is completely His.

                                                                                 - 2 Chronicles 16:9 (NASB)

The question is, do we have hearts that are completely His, or do they belong to temporal things that, in the end, mean nothing? When He passes by, will He see a willing servant or will there be a massive wall of junk blocking His view of us?

In knee deep, I already feel the water washing these things away and I am grateful. My life is a good one right now and although I might take a step that challenges my footing, my focus is on the Lord. I woke up this morning before my alarm, and from my heart I started singing How Great Thou Art. It was a wonderful time of praise and a great way to kick off the end of the work week.

Having greater focus reveals that God is everywhere – not that He hasn’t been – it just tends to remove those things that have limited our sight. He is in the purple of lavender fields and African violets. He is in the blue of the skies above and the depths of the sea. He is in the red that August burns.

My oldest son has lately been on my heart much more than normal. Forsaking his belief in the God of his father, he steps blindly into his own role of father. My attempts to reach him have, thus far, gone unheeded and I’ve had no choice but to lay him at God’s feet and trust the Lord with his care. God, so far, has chosen to reveal Himself in music. I’m not surprised by this, as we both have a great appreciation for music – one of the few ways in which we can communicate. Sometimes our definition of music is very different and this is one of those times. August Burns Red is a band whose music is heavier than any metal I’ve heard before. If it wasn’t for an awesome drumming core, it would be nothing more than noise to me. But to my son it is a symphony. Beyond the heavy guitar riffs and labored singing, the heart of their lyrics reveals the Gospel and our dependence on God.  Had I not received God’s grace through clarity, I probably would have argued this point until I was blue in the face. But the fact is, God is everywhere. His Message will come through whatever channel He chooses.

                          I'd like to thank Patrick, our worship leader, for unintentionally

                                leading me to August Burns Red.

As I go into the weekend, looking forward to time spent with my family, I continue to ask God to keep working on my dislocated heart. Whether it is with a prodigal son only a few miles away or with a lost generation in Norway, consumed by the Death Metal movement and Satanism, my dissatisfaction with the status quo needs to burn brightly and my passion to help them find their way to a Father that loves them deeply needs to burn even brighter.  

Focused Tunnel Vision

I remember it distinctly: opting to drive home after a Texas Rangers game in Arlington instead of staying with family, as offered. After a couple of hours, my vision fixated on the two narrow beams projected from my headlights. The eyes ached and grew heavy. I increased the air conditioning and turned up the radio and both seemed to help. But the vision narrowed again. My head bobbed here and there. And almost with finality, I suddenly realized my truck was bounding over rough terrain -- I had veered into the center median when I fell asleep behind the wheel.

My reflexes took over as I slammed on the brake pedal. My truck came to a skidding stop and I turned it off to collect myself. My heart thumped like thunder inside my chest. God was watching out for me that night...so many others with similar experiences were never able to write about them later!

Tunnel vision is a horrible thing, especially when applied to God's work. Too often our vision is fixed on ourselves. We try to do the will of God with our own energy and usually mess it up. Thus, the thing God has impressed upon me this week is this: 

              "Trust Me and get your focus off of yourself. I'll take what you already have,
                by My power and by My grace, and I will use you in ways that you can never
                even imagine."

I was reminded this week of a man I really admire. His name is Chris Spielman and he was an outstanding linebacker. He grew up in Ohio and played sandlot football with his older brothers. Even then, stories of his ferocity were legend. He was always smaller than most players in his position but Chris Spielman was always about heart. A second-string player, during one particular game in which they were losing, Chris paced back-and-forth behind the coach during the third quarter. "Send me in! Lemme play!" he would urge. With persistence, he got his wish.

Whether they won or lost I no longer remember, but his passion changed the course of the game. During the time remaining, he set a school record for most tackles in a single game and moved into a first string position. He became an All-American and was the first high-school player to be featured on a Wheaties box. Upon graduation, he moved his football savagery to the Ohio State University. As a Buckeye, he set numerous single-game and team records for tackles, assists, and quarter-back sacks. He was named an All-American twice, received the Lombardi Award in 1987 and was voted the season's MVP that same year. He was a fan favorite and simply embodied all that a history of Ohio State defensive football stood for. His devotion to training was no less impressive.

                                                   Spielman, #36, charged up during a game against Michigan.

He also had his detractors, notably Mel Kiper, Jr., an NFL draft "guru". Because of his size, scouts discounted his effectiveness in the NFL and as a result, he was picked 29th in the 2nd round of the draft. Chris and his big heart wound up in Detroit, where he immediately made a big impact.

As a Lion, Chris captained the defense. He was voted into the Pro Bowl four times and during his ten years there, his statistics were impressive: 10 sacks, 4 interceptions, 30 pass defenses, 13 forced fumbles, 17 fumble recoveries and he led the team in tackles for 7 consecutive years, including a single-season high of 195 (in '94). He was named defensive MVP of the Year in '93 and '94 and his career with Detroit ended with 1,138 tackles (which was also a record).

One of my favorite memories comes from the Thanksgiving Day game in 1994. The Dallas Cowboys had orchestrated a long drive to about the 5 yard line. Detroit had turned away each attempt at scoring until 3rd down, inside the 1. Aikman took the snap and immediately handed it off to a charging Emmitt Smith, who leapt over the entire line with amazing ability. Spielman had keyed in on Emmitt before the play began and, calling upon his own ability, also leapt over that line. They met in mid-air with a thunderous crash and Emmett was denied the score!

                                                   A fierce competitor, #54, Detroit Lions.

From there he moved to Buffalo and began setting records for the Bills, many of which were accomplished while recovering from a torn pectoral muscle. In 1997, however, he suffered a neck injury that required spinal surgery.  He resurfaced in 1999, back in Ohio, with the Cleveland Browns. Although he was impressive during preseason, another neck injury forced him into retirement before the regular season started.

Let me tell you...after all this...Chris had just made it to the bank of the Jordan!

During the time he was recovering from his neck injury in '97, his wife, Stefanie, was diagnosed with breast cancer. He took the '98 season off, not because of his own injuries, but because his focus was not on his career, but where it needed to be - on his wife and family.With the same ferocity he had displayed with football, Chris and his wife battled breast cancer and set up the Stefanie Spielman Breast Cancer Fund, which has topped $10 million in total contributions. In all, Stefanie fought through four bouts of cancer, succumbing to a fifth in 2009. Today, Chris Spielman continues her fight and has remained in football through broadcasting and coaching. He is also a sought-after inspirational speaker through which he tells his story -- their story -- and shares the strong faith he developed as God walked with him. This is where he's made the most impact with his life!

                                                                  Chris and Stefanie during the half-time of
                                                                  the Ohio State-Navy game, Sept. 2009, in
                                                                  which they honored Chris for his induction
                                                                  into the College Football Hall of Fame. 
                                                                 Stefanie would pass two months later.

Like Chris, I pace back-and-forth behind the Coach, asking Him to play me. But right now, I'm still learning the plays, still working out the strategies. I'm still learning to trust God so I can do His work for His glory and not my own. He's waiting until I can run onto the field not as myself, but as Christ through me.

                    And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord's glory, are
                    being transformed  into His image with ever-increasing glory, which
                    comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.
                                                                 -- 2 Corinthians 3:18 (NIV)

There were many personal goals I had set for myself this week and it has been amazing to see God, time and again, shut those things down. Essentially keeping away the distractions, so I can now really focus on this journey to seek His Will. In my mind, I still plan on pursing the Plan, but I'm also leaving my mind open to abandon the Plan, should God choose. Equally, I'm willing to go a different route entirely if called to do so. Waiting, for me, has always been the frustrating, uneasy part of trusting God but this time around, I'm good with it. Instead, I'm enjoying the sweetness of getting to know my Heavenly Father and letting Him direct me accordingly.


If you'd like to contribute to or learn more about Chris's ongoing battle with the disease that claimed his wife, please click on the following link:

http://cancer.osu.edu/waystogive/about/funds/spielman/pages/index.aspx

Baby Steps into Mature Content

There is a mission I strongly believe God is calling me to. Without going into details, I will simply call it the Plan, until the time has come for the big reveal.

I read a daily devotional and have been amazed how many times, over the years, it’s been relevant to a problem I was going through or an encouragement I needed. Similarly, I subscribe to a daily devotional email that, although not as often, possesses the same qualities. Since I’ve been made aware of the Plan nearly two weeks ago, I’ve noticed an interesting string of events with these emails. I will simply list their titles in the order I received them. I’ll elaborate when needed.

                                1). Faith is more than believing: take the next step

                                2). What mistakes or regrets do you need to turn over to God?

                                3). Choose faith over fear

                                4). Jesus says, “Seize the moment.”

                                5). God finishes what He starts

                                6). How to realize your full potential

                                7). How to assess your value

                                8). Let God tell you who you are

                                9). God-sized tasks: launch out in faith

                                10). Be undefeatable: lean on the Lord

That’s a pretty good list and it could be a general set of devotionals that anyone could use at any point in their life’s journey. The beautiful thing about the Bible is that it’s not just a book, it is the Living Word of God. I’ve come to learn that that can mean verses I’ve read many times before can have a completely different and relevant meaning throughout my lifetime and for any situation or need. While I don’t think the author of these devotionals gets up in the morning and purposely sets out to send a tidbit of guidance specifically designed for me, I do believe that God can direct the timing of such things.

Yesterday, when I was desperately seeking the opinion of someone I talked to about the Plan, there was silence. Even after assurances of a reply, I received nothing. Oh, how I was frustrated. Then I received the devotional of the day:

                                11). Stand firm on God’s truth, not another’s opinion

Praise God and His timing! To make it more interesting, the Plan calls for me to get some general and specialized education, as well as some Biblical education. I’ve sent inquiries to the secular schools (a week old now) and also to a few different churches the Plan could have me involved with. Silence! with the exception of the Bible college. 

                  But seek His Kingdom [first] and these things will be given to you as well.

--  Luke 12:31 (NIV)

Over the last couple of years, I’ve done a lot of soul searching and ridding myself of the things God leads me to get rid of. It amazes me how buried and lost some of these things are! Our current series at church has been in I Peter and we’ve been called to reconcile with our past. I thought I’ve done that but God has flooded me with things for which I need to make amends. I took the first step in doing that today.

I had to ask my ex-wife to forgive me for not being the spiritual leader she had repeatedly asked me to be while we were married. I didn’t fully understand what that meant -- or didn’t care at the time. I told her that, realizing people make their own decisions, I can see the consequences of my inaction (through our kids) and although I’m no longer responsible for her spiritual well-being, I believe I’m still accountable for the time I was and pray she will continue to pursue God in her life. It was a hard thing to do, for sure, but God was there. He gave me the strength and I’m glad He was! I’m sure it was something she needed to hear in some way or another, but it also felt good for me to expunge it from my record – even though I had previously felt no remorse for, nor given thought to it before.

The statement was made recently in our small group that each of us [there] had at least one person in our life that could walk through the door and we, because of our history with them, would easily and instantly be angry with them. After thinking about that, I asserted that I, in fact, had no one with whom I could be angry in such a way.

Truth of it is, I could be that person to walk through someone else’s door. Many someone else’s. Those, I’m afraid, will be the coming steps in seeking God’s direction in my life.